Why Your Friends Want You to Fail (Unconsciously)

It is lonely at the top. But it is dangerous at the bottom.

You have probably felt this before:

You start a new diet, and your family says, "One slice of pizza won't kill you." You start a business, and your friends say, "Why work so hard? Come out for a drink." You try to improve, and the people you love try to stop you.

They aren't trying to hurt you. They are just being Crabs.

The Bucket Theory

If you put a single crab in a bucket, it will easily climb out and escape.

But if you put a dozen crabs in a bucket, the situation changes.

Whenever one crab tries to climb out, the others will grab its legs and pull it back down. If the climber persists, the others will break its claws to stop it.

They ensure mutual destruction.

Humans do the exact same thing. We just use words instead of claws.

• "You've changed."

• "You're too good for us now?"

• "Be realistic."

Why do they do this?

It isn't because they hate you. It is because your success attacks their ego.

If you grew up in the same town, went to the same school, and have the same background... but you succeed and they don't?

It forces them to admit that their lack of success is their own fault.

It is much more comfortable for them if you stay in the bucket. Your stagnation makes them feel safe.

You cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick.

If you want to escape the bucket, you need to be ruthless about who you allow near your energy.

You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you are around.